So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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