Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
