some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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