oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
