Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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