just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
