I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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