So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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