i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
