does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
