did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize