Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
