Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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