im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
