I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
