What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
