my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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