Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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