it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
