A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
