Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
