I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
