his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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