Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The ass gains better be worth it
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