the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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