okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
