Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
