i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
