The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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