Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
