We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
