youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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