A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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