i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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