you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
