I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
