i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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