Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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