i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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