Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
