So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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