Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
