his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
