Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
