I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
