I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
