so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
