He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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