I puked a lego.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
