he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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