You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
