just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
