Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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