Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
