Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
