You really coming over, don't trick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
