Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
