life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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