glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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