Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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