everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
