he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
