We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
