yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this boner is exhausting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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