I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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