shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
