New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
