"it" just moved
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
