he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
