woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
