the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
