Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
