that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize