I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
