Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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