You're so nebulous sometimes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
